Rest assured, "slow and steady" does NOT win the race; I realized this today as I rolled my lazy booty out of bed and forced myself to sit on that frickin' ice-pick of a bicycle seat. (and NO, despite the raw butt cheeks, I'm not going to buy one of those ridiculous jelly pad things; first of all, that's what all the ice cream and oreos made my gluteus MAXimus into anyway, and second of all, it merely emphasizes the fact that I'm in NO shape to be exercising!) This thought mostly occured to me while I was stopped on the side of the road, collapsed over what I used to call my knees, but what would more accurately be described as somewhere between the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
and "Pizza the Hut" off of Spaceballs.
and "Pizza the Hut" off of Spaceballs.
And Frankly, "Pizza the Hut" is really what has made me who I am today; well, if I'm paying tribute here, I'd like to thank Krispy Kreme, Arbys (dang those beautiful little cream cheese filled, fried jalepenos dipped in delicious berry sauce!), ALL the Dollar Menus, Dairy Queen, and while we're covering royalty, thanks Burger King. Oh, but let's not forget Kentucky Fried Chicken (really Colonel, did you have to turn us into pathetic creatures who no longer eat our food separated, on a plate, like dignified human beings? Instead, we now eat all of our food pilled together in a bowl, with a "spork" mind you. Please just give me a frickin' straw next time, as well as an adult diaper, because I don't feel like taking the time to use a restroom anymore either). **thanks Patton Oswold
So, to sum up, slow and steady does not win the race (correct me if I'm wrong Michael Phelps), slow and steady is in fact, long and miserable!
