Vegeta-buttholes!

I used to LOVE veggies! But let's face it, anything with delicious butter soaking into it is going to be brilliant! (Mmmm, butter) Croissants, Potatos, Butterscotch, Butter Pecan, Hollandaise Sauce (yep, plain baby!), Shoot, if you were covered in butter I'd go all Jeffery Dahmer on you! (Maybe I took that a little too far...awkward)

So, needless to say, I've really been struggling with putting the green crap on my plate. For instance:

Today I sat in front of my steamed green beans, thinking to myself,

"You deceitful, loathsome, vile plague upon mankind; you parade yourself as a "delicious" vegetable, but when the hollandaise sauce is gone, and you're left alone, naked, you're hideous! I hate you green beans! If you were to come into a room, I'd walk up to you and punch you in your big Healthy Green face!"

Of course, I then gagged them down, one by one, muttering obscenities under my breath all the while. And no, the "I can't believe it's not Butter "spray doesn't help, and quite honestly, it scares me a little bit. If everything in it is Zero, what am I eating?

So basically I am a 5 year old, crying about having to eat my Vegeta-BUTTHOLES! I'm over it.

(BTW: As of last week, I'm down 10LBs; going to weigh-in tomorrow--the journey sucks, but I'm makin' it happen capt'n!)

Slow and Steady

Rest assured, "slow and steady" does NOT win the race; I realized this today as I rolled my lazy booty out of bed and forced myself to sit on that frickin' ice-pick of a bicycle seat. (and NO, despite the raw butt cheeks, I'm not going to buy one of those ridiculous jelly pad things; first of all, that's what all the ice cream and oreos made my gluteus MAXimus into anyway, and second of all, it merely emphasizes the fact that I'm in NO shape to be exercising!) This thought mostly occured to me while I was stopped on the side of the road, collapsed over what I used to call my knees, but what would more accurately be described as somewhere between the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and "Pizza the Hut" off of Spaceballs.

And Frankly, "Pizza the Hut" is really what has made me who I am today; well, if I'm paying tribute here, I'd like to thank Krispy Kreme, Arbys (dang those beautiful little cream cheese filled, fried jalepenos dipped in delicious berry sauce!), ALL the Dollar Menus, Dairy Queen, and while we're covering royalty, thanks Burger King. Oh, but let's not forget Kentucky Fried Chicken (really Colonel, did you have to turn us into pathetic creatures who no longer eat our food separated, on a plate, like dignified human beings? Instead, we now eat all of our food pilled together in a bowl, with a "spork" mind you. Please just give me a frickin' straw next time, as well as an adult diaper, because I don't feel like taking the time to use a restroom anymore either). **thanks Patton Oswold





So, to sum up, slow and steady does not win the race (correct me if I'm wrong Michael Phelps), slow and steady is in fact, long and miserable!

Accomplishments...

Baby's Accomplishments this week:
Finally rolls over! Says "Mama," "Dada," "Baba," etc. popped out his first two chompers (and has been a freakin' champ about it too!), sits VERY well on his own (he's no longer just balancing on his chubbers), he oh so adorably reaches for me, and this just in, he sings!!

My Accomplishments this week:
hmm...Well, I finished the Bachelor, become enraged (Seriously Jake?? I think less of you now), swore off all varieties of the Bachelor all together, although, I'll probably still watch next season anyway, but I still shake my fist in the air for dramatic effect!


Oh yeah, and I'm up to a weight loss of 7 LB's in 2 weeks...not too shabby.

Letter to the Folks at Cadbury

Dear Mini Cadbury Egg People,

How dare you show your face around here again. Do you realize how many sugar comas you've caused? Do you even CARE? For the love, it is only the beginning of March, and I've now had to walk past your obscenity of a display in the stores now for 2 weeks! Throw me a bone here; Easter isn't for another MONTH!

The economy might still be in a recession, but my waist line CLEARLY isn't, and you're NOT helping. I guess you figure it's ok to help your bottom line as long as your adding to mine?

Truthfully, it's a love hate relationship; I love to savor those beautiful, candy shell covered chocolates, but I hate to see that "lovin" returned to my thighs! So, you must go.

How do you live with yourselves?